Follow Buttons

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

BYE FELICIA (The Year 2017)

I really hope I'm not jinxing myself writing this post, but I feel like I have to. This year, the year 2017, has been a crap year. The birth of my second daughter, Nora, has been the highlight of the year.

Why is it a crap year? Because of ALL of the crap that happened...let me get started!

It's been a little bit more than a year of crap happening with us. Right before last Christmas was when the car full of dudes showed up at my house and I had to run inside with my toddler in my arms, locking the doors and hoping they left. I learned from that experience and now know how to handle my weapon better and to call the sheriff.

At the beginning of the year we got a lot of rain and in turn, we noticed that our chimney was leaking in the basement. This is also in addition to a water pipe leaking and having to cut into our bathroom wall and get that repaired. SO with the fear of mold and having children in the house we quickly got the chimney damage inspected to get the ball rolling for repair. My husband and cousin started to dig in to fix it and it was a much larger project than they had anticipated so we found a contractor. A contractor - who never showed up. We waited months and finally later (I'll get to that) had it repaired with another company.

My house in Oklahoma also had to be sold which dealing with bids and everything is annoying, especially when you settle and then have the people get cold feet and fall through. I was glad when that was over and am grateful for my friends who lived there and got the house ready. I couldn’t have done it without them.

There was a field fire right next to our house that was really close to hitting our propane tank. That was fun to watch...NOT. The fire dept was really quick and for that I appreciate them even more!

Another story...While I'm in my third trimester, I decide I need to go get groceries while my husband is home to watch the kids so I go. On my way home (around 9-10 pm) I have a blowout. Thankfully, my in laws were right behind me on the highway on their way home so I got rescued!

My pregnancy sucked pretty much completely. Anxiety ruled my life and I was physically taken over with all sorts of pain. Nora has completely made up for it. She is the best baby. Life with 3 kids 3 and under has been quite the thrill and experience. My oldest has acted better since starting preschool which is a huge relief! Not to say that he and my oldest daughter get along, because mostly they don't. All in all, I have learned more about myself in the past 3 years than my whole life. I know what I can handle and what I can't. I've learned more of what I want out of this life and what I can live without. I've learned that 3 pregnancies is probably enough. I'd like to stay married and not feel so bad again.

Okay, onto more crap. Hahaha

So while we are waiting for the contractor that never showed up we have pretty wicked storms on and off. 4 days before I go into the hospital to have Nora a freaking tornado hits the house. Do you know how much I HATE STORMS? I was so scared and feared to keep my children safe. I really didn't think when we got upstairs that there would be a house, but we got extremely lucky and only minimal damage happened. We got a new roof, the chimney (finally) fixed, new doors and windows fixed with an awesome company (Burwell Construction - Hays, KS). My son Thomas will never let me live it down that I was "crying in the basement because of the cartado (his word for tornado) and his favorite tree was destroyed. Oh and another thing about the know the paint on the siding that was peeling forever that we finally got fixed? Yeah, it's peeling again.

So on top of all of that crap, we had vehicle issues. Issues including me having to drive 20 mph on the way home from taking Thomas to preschool because our suv was stuck in 4WD low. We ended up getting a cheap minivan (yeah, I know) and it has honestly been very convenient for the whole getting in and out and dealing with 3 kids in car seats way. BUT the tires on it have been an issue. The freaking day I put insurance on the thing I have a flat going to pick up Thomas from school. Yet again, thankful for in laws for saving the damn day. And USAA for making it work to send someone out and be covered by insurance.

After that I've had another flat with the van and my husband ruined a tire on his pickup, all thanks to the wonderful Trego County Roads (sarcasm and eye roll here). Along with house and vehicle issues, health has been downhill since Nora was born. It has felt like we've been more sick/had health issues than not. Not the easiest thing to deal with. My oldest daughter, Clara, has had the worst eczema I've ever seen and I feel so helpless in relieving her symptoms. We are finally going to an allergist in January!

I would also like to add that during all of this, money hasn't been growing on trees for us. It's been really tight and we are hoping that 2018 brings us a much better outlook! And for another twist to our story, our house has been haunted. The activity really picked up after Nora was born. A radio has been on a couple of times downstairs when we weren't the ones who turned it on. We've taken a picture of smoke on our stairs, had Thomas tell us he's seen a man and describe him in full detail, seen orbs on their night cameras and the creepiest has been when Matt and I came home to hear people having a conversation. We both thought it was the tv, but it wasn't on and wouldn't have been since we were gone.

In the grand scheme of things, this is all trivial and could be incredibly worse. I am grateful that it wasn't worse, but am glad for the year to be wrapping up. Not that the universe knows the difference in years, but maybe it'll change. But in the meantime, I'll keep trucking along taking care of the kids while my husband works insane hours. I'll continue to load all 3 kids up Monday through Thursday, getting them all ready and myself ready in time, making the 22 miles trek to town, unloading them all to go sign the oldest in then loading the two girls up to head back home. Once home we will have our lunch, naps (if I'm lucky and maybe get in a load of dishes) and then load up again to get Thomas then load back up to come home and start dinner. Then get ready for bed! The days are long, but the years are short. How my oldest is going on 4 already, I don't know...I treasure my crazy life and I'm very thankful for family and friends who are there for us and for coffee and wine!

Wishing you all the very best 2018!!

Friday, July 14, 2017

Mommin' Ain't Easy

Hello. I've been wanting to write this for a very long time, but with one reason after another I have been postponing it. Well, now is the day!

I am a Mom of two, ages 3 and 1&1/2 AND almost 9 months pregnant with kid number three. I would be lying if I said my life was a "breeze" and perfect because it is not. And that's what I'm sharing with you today in hopes that a mom somewhere that needs to reads this does and knows that she's not alone.

First off - hormones. They are a motherfucker. I am so sick of dealing with stupid hormones. Pregnancy hormones are the worst for me and especially this pregnancy. Around month 5 of pregnancy my panic attacks due to anxiety/stress got so bad that I had to get on medication. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I needed to do it for my sanity and so I could mother to the best of my ability. The medicine has helped but I still have several days of feeling down and angry. I don't know why because who can't handle a 3 year old ornery boy and a 1.5 year old that LOVES to be held and whines because of big brother messing with her every second of the day...I mean, seriously. Oh, and then there's the housework, bills, obligated events to attend, grocery shopping, etc.

Second - GUILT. Guilt of not feeling good enough. Guilt of not spending enough one on one time with each child or even both of them because the tv is your savior for the day. Guilt for the house not being clean when your husband comes home from working 12-14 hour days every day. Guilt for wondering if you fed your children the right food for their little growing bodies so they don't get the ever growing diabetes that the world is inflicted with now days. Guilt for not calling or writing people back in a good time period because you'd rather cut your legs off than try to talk on the phone while your children scream, fight and pine for your attention the whole time. Guilt for also being on your phone TOO MUCH because some days social media is the only way I know what's going on in the world and gives me the entertainment I need to continue.

Third - isolation. I stay at home to raise my kids. That's what my husband and I decided was best for our family. Some days I do wish that I worked just so I could get away and out of the house, help with money and have adult conversations. I'm lucky to have my Scentsy and Posh business to keep me busy in a non mom way and make connections locally. With all of that being said, I do not regret my decision to stay home and raise my children. Plus, where I live, our options for daycare isn't really the best and neither are the job options for the pay rate I would need to be able to afford daycare. I am sure there are plenty of working moms that wish they could stay home with their reasons and I totally get it! We all do that and have our reasons. I am still very grateful I get to do this "job" and I wouldn't want it any other way. I try my best to not take it for granted that I get to raise my kids. I can stay in my pjs all day if I want, go to the park any time, visit my family when it is possible, etc. Speaking of family...I do have some great in-laws around me, but I miss my family tremendously. And my friends - my best friends. I left them to move here to be with my husband. I never imagine how hard it would be to be here with kids and not have my village with me.

Lastly - comparison. I am so sick of my problem with comparing myself to other women, especially moms. It seems now days there are these "perfect" women/mothers that I cannot get away from seeing on social media. It's almost been so bad that I have considered closing all of my accounts and living back in the stone ages. But I do have my business pages on facebook and family members far away that love seeing pictures of the kids so I keep it active.

SO if you're like me trying to make it through the day wondering if you're doing it probably are. Hopefully you've got someone to call to vent or advice (thanks Mom). And hopefully you have a significant other that lets you escape sometimes, even if it's just to get groceries alone because that can feel like a vacation. And we all know that even a drive where you get to blast the music you don't get to listen to anymore can be all the therapy you need. Hang in there. I am trying to ;) I keep telling myself that this is just a phase and one day I'm going to be sad it's over. I know I will. Until then, I'll keep counting the hours of the day until my rescue support comes home and keep searching for new activities that help my kiddos (and me) stay happy...